Sopranome
27th May 2008
Football is a funny old game and, at my level it is full of funny old players. So it is with my team mates at San Fatucchio. They are a typical mix of men from various walks of life and the game is all the better for that; some with a love of the game because of their skills, some with a love of the game despite their skills, some who feign injury week after week, some who don’t mind being so much better than everyone else. Some who shoot rather than pass, some who spend most of the game rearranging their hair and jewellery.
There is always argument and plenty of shouting, always a pizza afterwards and plenty of laughing.
But no-one had prepared me for the arrival of Jesus.
His real name is Simone. He has long hair and a beard which I assumed was the reason for his ‘sopranome’, but the other players also wanted to impress on me that he also plays as well as Jesus.
(Italians seem to enjoy the assumption that, had he lived in Italy, Jesus would have played football like Totti.)
Simone holds the ball, never loses it, always has time to look, never speaks, is calm, assured and a pleasure to play with, unless of course he’s not on your team.
That was when I made my big mistake. I have one talent in football, and only one. It’s not much to speak of but it tends to upset the opposition and so I use it whenever possible. The ‘nutmeg’ or, as Italians call it, the ‘tunnel’. You simply pass the ball between the opposition players legs and he is left rooted to the ground, humiliated and unable to turn and chase you.
At school you use to have to shout out ‘NUTS!’ or ‘MEGS!’ just before you did it, to add to the humiliation.
So, to cut a long story short, I managed to nutmeg Jesus, and he didn’t like it. Not one bit.
But then, you see, there is an unwritten law in football that you won’t find in the Rule book. If you can nutmeg the person who nutmegged you, then you, by definition ‘un-nutmeg’ yourself and can stand proud once more. That was all Jesus wanted to do. He had the skill, and the motivation to spend the next hour and a half humiliating me, nutmegging me, not once but 5 times.
He didn’t need to score, although he did, the game was all about revenge.
The stupidest thing I did today;
See below
Can’t really believe I was suckered into this one. Their names are ‘Maybe-Melven’ and ‘Mitzy-Mittens’.
Yes, two kittens who have leapt off their chocolate box and into the arms of our speechless children.
But, perhaps, not as speechless as the vet will be when I try to explain those names...
Football is a funny old game and, at my level it is full of funny old players. So it is with my team mates at San Fatucchio. They are a typical mix of men from various walks of life and the game is all the better for that; some with a love of the game because of their skills, some with a love of the game despite their skills, some who feign injury week after week, some who don’t mind being so much better than everyone else. Some who shoot rather than pass, some who spend most of the game rearranging their hair and jewellery.
There is always argument and plenty of shouting, always a pizza afterwards and plenty of laughing.
But no-one had prepared me for the arrival of Jesus.
His real name is Simone. He has long hair and a beard which I assumed was the reason for his ‘sopranome’, but the other players also wanted to impress on me that he also plays as well as Jesus.
(Italians seem to enjoy the assumption that, had he lived in Italy, Jesus would have played football like Totti.)
Simone holds the ball, never loses it, always has time to look, never speaks, is calm, assured and a pleasure to play with, unless of course he’s not on your team.
That was when I made my big mistake. I have one talent in football, and only one. It’s not much to speak of but it tends to upset the opposition and so I use it whenever possible. The ‘nutmeg’ or, as Italians call it, the ‘tunnel’. You simply pass the ball between the opposition players legs and he is left rooted to the ground, humiliated and unable to turn and chase you.
At school you use to have to shout out ‘NUTS!’ or ‘MEGS!’ just before you did it, to add to the humiliation.
So, to cut a long story short, I managed to nutmeg Jesus, and he didn’t like it. Not one bit.
But then, you see, there is an unwritten law in football that you won’t find in the Rule book. If you can nutmeg the person who nutmegged you, then you, by definition ‘un-nutmeg’ yourself and can stand proud once more. That was all Jesus wanted to do. He had the skill, and the motivation to spend the next hour and a half humiliating me, nutmegging me, not once but 5 times.
He didn’t need to score, although he did, the game was all about revenge.
The stupidest thing I did today;
See below
Can’t really believe I was suckered into this one. Their names are ‘Maybe-Melven’ and ‘Mitzy-Mittens’.
Yes, two kittens who have leapt off their chocolate box and into the arms of our speechless children.
But, perhaps, not as speechless as the vet will be when I try to explain those names...
The comment you left on my blog...hahahaha!
Posted by: Maryann | June 06, 2008 at 12:16 AM
at least you got him first.... you should have faked an injury soon after:)
Posted by: joe@italyville | June 03, 2008 at 09:27 PM
As they say in the great annals of sports...don't mess with Jesus's nuts! The kitty's are too sweet and much be ca noodled as much as possible. I'm sure the girls are madly in love...
Posted by: Antonina | June 01, 2008 at 05:29 PM
oh my gosh, if you have those kittens next time we visit, we may never leave ;)
Posted by: erin :: the olive notes | May 30, 2008 at 10:42 PM
O' Gesu', football flavours! Wait until those cute kittens use your legs to climb up!
Posted by: Scintilla | May 29, 2008 at 08:01 PM
when you're done with the kittens and the novelty wears off...i'll have 'em!
Posted by: sduck | May 29, 2008 at 12:05 PM
May all my "stupidest things" be so cute ;)
And the nutmegging Jesus story certainly did not disappoint...now would you nutmeg the devil? Hmm....
Posted by: bleeding espresso | May 28, 2008 at 06:11 PM
oh the kittens are too cute!
How do they know Jesus wouldn't play like Gennaro Gattuso? I kid.
Posted by: nyc/carribean ragazza | May 28, 2008 at 02:30 PM
Well you foxed me. I was expecting either something culinary or religious. Never in a million years could I have guessed this to be about football.
BTW love the quirky names, glad to see you're doing your bit to keep up the image of English eccentricity.
Posted by: Sally | May 28, 2008 at 12:02 PM
LOL at the footy antics and OMG how adorable are those little kitties, love the names!
Posted by: Brit' Gal Sarah | May 28, 2008 at 07:04 AM
haha! You're too much! "nutmegging Jesus"...so funny.
The kittens are adorable :)
Posted by: Maryann | May 28, 2008 at 12:51 AM